Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
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