hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
