I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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