Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
