I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
