Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
