u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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