return my video game
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
