kristin has been a bad kristin
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
