I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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