I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
