If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
