Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
