I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
