Can Purell be used as lube?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
