I smell stomach acid.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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