nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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