You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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