i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
