can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize