Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
