I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
