Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
