she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
