Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
