I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
