peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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