I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize