I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
