Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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