the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
