i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
