Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
