I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize