My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Rumble strips road head = magical
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
