I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
