dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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