I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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