So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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