..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
