my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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