He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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