my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
