Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
