Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize