wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
