Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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