Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
