I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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