I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
