video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
