WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He kissed a someone with a penis
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
