Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
