Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
