Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
