I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
