so explain again why im purple
no
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
