do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
