So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
