I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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