New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
