I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
