so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
