6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize