Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
