does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Someone signed my nipple.
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