I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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