Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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