"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
