Me too!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
