he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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