Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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