Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
